


Doubt

by circuscrow



Series: Making Magic [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Witchcraft, Angst, Established Relationship, Fights, M/M, Making Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-23 23:42:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14343429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/circuscrow/pseuds/circuscrow
Summary: With the permanence of humanity coming closer, Hinata starts second guessing their plans.





	Doubt

**Author's Note:**

> Two things before we get started.
> 
> Firstly, this part was co-authored by my tarot deck! And lemme tell you, that was a lot of fun.
> 
> Second, I should maybe apologize in advanced. It seems I can only write fluff for so long before I pull something like this. But what can I say, I love drama.

It all began in a moment of vulnerability, when a small wisp of fear that was lingering around in his mind was finally voiced. They were washing the dishes after dinner together when Hinata softly asked, “What if I can’t stay human?”

“You will,” Kageyama answered without missing a beat. “There’s a lot of witches who want to help. And that spell Kuroo is working on sounds really promising.”

Hinata could only describe the feeling inside of him as dread. “That- that’s not what I mean…”

Kageyama silently looked at Hinata for clarification.

Feeling himself shrink inward, he didn’t meet Kageyama’s eye as he elaborated. “What if these spells do work, and I stay human past Halloween? … Can I even do that?”

“I… don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I’ve never been human before,” Hinata continued. “It’s been months yeah, but I’ve existed for a long time, so really this feels like no time at all to me. There are still things I haven’t figured out and stuff I already know I don’t like doing. … And it’s just a lot, suddenly changing like this. I was really out of it when I first changed and sometimes I feel like I’ve never really gotten over it…”

“What are you saying, Hinata?” Kageyama’s voice was too sharp, and Hinata regretted looking up at him, seeing the maelstrom that was barely contained behind a neutral facade. He pressed on.

“I don’t know if I want to stay human.”

“Don’t you like how things are now?

“Sometimes? Not always?”

“Why are you saying this now?” Kageyama’s voice was getting sharper and louder, as if he caught Hinata doing something inexcusable.

“I don’t-”

“We’re getting _Handfasted_ . In _two months_ , Hinata. What about that?”

Kageyama looked at Hinata expectantly, waiting. “Would it even really matter?”

Hinata knew that was the wrong thing to say even before Kageyama opened his mouth. His carefully blank face crumbled into something terrifying, a mix of so many emotions that he’d never before seen on the witch. And when he spoke, he was _loud_ . “How could you even _say that_ ! And _right to my face_!”

“Well how else am I _supposed_ to say it!” Hinata yelled back with equal fervor.

“We could have talked about it before you dropped _this_ on me!”

“I’m not dropping anything on you! I’m trying to talk about it right now!”

“Like this! You think this is how we should talk about it!”

“Well not _now_ that you’re being so mean about it!” Again, Hinata could tell he was saying something wrong.

“You think I’m being _mean_!”

“You are! You’re the one who started yelling!”

Kageyama’s face morphed again, to another expression that Hinata couldn’t name. But the next time he spoke, it wasn’t loud. Instead it was so icy that it sent chills lacing through Hinata. He didn’t know anyone could sound like that. “I’m going out.” He left the kitchen, and when Hinata followed him to the front door he was already pulling on his shoes.

“You’re _leaving_ ? _Now_?” Hinata was probably just making things worse by sounding so accusatory, but Kageyama didn’t answer and just walked out the door.

Hinata didn’t go to their shared room that night. Instead he slept in his own room, the room the other witches set up just for him when this all began, and by now it was musty and felt cold. It was his first time ever sleeping alone, and he immediately knew this was another thing he didn’t like. Isolation, loneliness, loss, they were all new to him.

He also wasn’t used to dwelling on things like this. When he existed as a spirit, if he was hurting he’d blight crops, he’d salt fields, he’d cause droughts. If he so wanted to, he could infest the entire house with rot and render the whole structure inhabitable by sunrise. This time was different, because as upset as Hinata was, he didn’t want want Kageyama to be the target of such wrath. As much as he hurt, he didn’t want to hurt Kageyama more than he already was. He could acknowledge that Kageyama was hurting too, the fight wouldn’t have gotten as bad as it did if he wasn’t.

So Hinata tried to sleep, emphasis on ‘tried.’ It was another thing Hinata didn’t like about being human, the unpredictability of sleep. Some nights were easy, sometimes he had pleasant dreams, most times he simply woke up the next day, but sometimes dreams were less pleasant and other nights sleep wouldn’t come at all. How could something so important to humans be so inconsistent? Kageyama told him it wasn’t supposed to be like that, but that’s all Hinata ever experienced.

And Kageyama...

Why was Kageyama even so upset? It was Hinata who was betrayed when he voiced his fears. This whole thing… _probably_ could be solved if Hinata could figure out why, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to figure that out yet.

Sleep didn’t come that night.

Kageyama had left for work by the time Hinata wandered out of this room. That also hurt, they’d always had their meals together, Kageyama sometimes even came home during his lunch break. Sure a big part of it was that he still didn’t entirely trust Hinata alone in the kitchen, but the time spent together was always nice. But now Hinata had a whole day ahead of him filled with nothing to distract him from his depressive thoughts. Maybe Kageyama was right and he should get a job.

After scraping together breakfast, he started digging though Kageyama’s magic cabinet. Maybe he wouldn’t like it right now, but Kageyama never had an issue with him doing it before. It was calming to handle such magical energies and Hinata had taken to the habit whenever he was stressed or bothered. He was very bothered now and while it did eat up a few hours, it only made him think more of Kageyama and their fight.

Hinata scrounged up another meal for lunch and this time went outside right to his pumpkins. It didn’t matter if the garden was Kageyama’s, the pumpkins were only Hinata’s and in some ways they were him.

Without damaging the vines, he held one close to him, resting it’s weight against his body. It was about the size that Kageyama would always choose to travel with him, hefty enough to hold Hinata, but small enough to carry. What would it be like to go back to this, being so thoroughly bound to one space and only able to move from it through the kindness of another? Hinata didn’t even know why he needed the pumpkins, it was an abrupt change and one he did not take well. Would this really be better than how he was now?

The former spirit spent the rest of the afternoon remembering old times. Of freely going wherever he pleased with his magic completely unbound. Of going to witches’ parties and blessing their fields and the offerings he’d get in return. He thinks he even chose to be a spirit companion a time or two. If he could figure out how, that’s what he’d want, and he’d figure out a way to be with Kageyama like that.

When the sky was painted a soft orange from the sunset, Hinata figured it was time to go. He was supposed to meet Kuroo at six to try the spell, but he didn’t know what six actually meant, just that it was in the evening. Human timekeeping was exhausting. He went inside to grab the bus pass that Kageyama got him, but paused when he saw the brightly colored rope.

The Handfasting cord, now finished and resting on the mantel until the day it would be used. In the dusk, it looked like it was made from sunbeams, warmth and optimism delicately woven together, it was why they picked those colors. It almost felt like it was mocking him. But-

Oh.

 _Oh_ …

That’s why Kageyama was upset. Hinata now felt the full force of every wrong thing he said. Maybe tonight they can properly talk about things.

Kenma greeted Hinata with a soft, “You’re late,” when he arrived at the tattoo shop.

“Am I?” Hinata still didn’t know what six meant.

“It’s 7:30.” Hinata didn’t know what that meant either, but he knew it was not six.

“Oh, sorry!”

“It’s fine, we sort of figured, so Kuroo’s just finishing up with someone now. It will only be a few minutes.”

“That’s fine!” Hinata hung out at the counter talking Kenma’s ear off while Kenma sorted through his tarot cards. He couldn’t really tell what Kenma was doing, but he thinks it might have been a reading once the witch started giving him funny looks.

It wasn’t long before Kuroo came into the waiting room with who Hinata assumed was his last customer, explaining to them about tattoo aftercare. He addressed Hinata warmly once they were occupied with Kenma. “Ready Chibi-chan? We got everything set up for you.”

Hinata followed Kuroo to one of the sterile rooms, but Hinata figured that the candles and embroidered cloths were not for his usual clientele. “Since we’re doing this on you back, take your shirt off, lay down, and get comfortable. We’re gonna be here a while.”

He did as instructed and all his reservations from yesterday began filling his heart. Of everything they have tried and are planning to try in the future, this had the best chance of working. Sigil magic was Kuroo’s specialty, and having a permanent sigil etched onto his body almost guaranteed that it would do something come Halloween.

The tattooing process took up the rest of the night, and it was painful. Hinata still had absolutely zero pain tolerance and he actually screamed the first few times the needle passed over his spine. But Kuroo was good at what he does, he kept Hinata distracted with conversation as best as Hinata could be distracted and somewhere in the back of his mind, Hinata figured this could be a lot worse.

Hours later, Hinata stood with his back to a mirror, using another to look at the intricate design crawling on his back. It was inky black, with looping lines that split, detached, and reconnected. It looked almost like he has a pair of wings. As nice as the result was (aesthetically, they wouldn’t know how well the magic would work for another half a year) Hinata couldn’t help feeling bitter. Even if he wouldn’t have been allowed in the room, Kageyama was supposed to be here.

But it turns out, he was.

As Kuroo walked him back out to the waiting room, Kageyama was there waiting. He was slouched in one of the chairs and looked up when Hinata entered with Kuroo. When their eyes me, Hinata thought he could see guilt in them. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, only to be interrupted by Kuroo as he gave the same aftercare speech he gave the last customer, slightly changed to explain some of the magic and why they shouldn’t use a healing spell. He also addressed Kageyama, which was probably for the best.

When they finished, Kageyama looked down at Hinata, and softly asked, “Ready to go home?”

Hinata nodded and they left together.

Kageyama’s broomstick was hidden just outside the door. “Did you eat dinner yet?”

Hinata shook his head.

“We’ll get something on the way home. You pick.”

Hinata could tell what he was doing, he was trying to smooth things over so they could talk. He was already ready to talk, but if he could get his favorite takeout out of this he would.

That’s also probably why Kageyama came with the broom instead of the car, Hinata loved flying. It reminded him of freedom.

They landed back home, food in hand and still warm. Once they were inside, Hinata asked, “Can we talk now?”

“I’m sorry,” Kageyama blurted out before Hinata could say anything more. “I wasn’t… you’re worried about this and I just. I didn’t mean to make things worse.”

“No no, I think we both missed something when we were talking before.” Hinata dragged Kageyama to the couch, leaving the broom by the door. “The way I was talking, it sounded like I didn’t want to get Handfasted anymore, didn’t it?”

Kageyama looked away. “I thought you didn’t want to be with me anymore.”

“I do! I really do. I love you. And I love being with you.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do!” As if there could be any doubt. “I don’t tell you that enough.”

“You do.” He did, Hinata would say it in every breathe if he could.

“Not enough.”

Kageyama wrapped his arms around Hinata’s small frame and pulled him close, and Hinata pressed closer. “I’m sorry too. I… You came to me scared about something and I just yelled at you. I’m sorry.”

There was a long pause before Hinata mumbled, “I still am scared. … I don’t like being human.”

Kageyama gave him a tight squeeze before he pulled back. “Then why’d you get the tattoo? We could’ve talked about this.”

“We weren’t exactly talking.” Guilt flashed in Kageyama’s eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay! If I didn’t want to I wouldn’t have. It’s just… whatever happens, we’ll do it together, and if we want to change things, we’ll do that together, too!”

Kageyama’s eyes became suspiciously shiny and his voice cracked a little bit. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Hinata pulled Kageyama down for a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys are still with me after this! 
> 
> If you would like to talk, find me at [circuscrow](https://circuscrow.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. I'd love to hear from you. Comments and kudos are appreciated.


End file.
